Saturday, October 29, 2016

I Want You To Know

There's something very calming, yet unnerving, about having time to yourself. I think it's very necessary to have alone time, allowing yourself to unwind and recenter. I'm the kind of person who definitely needs it, and needs it pretty often. I've always known that but the passed few months I was pushing it aside, which resulted in me pretty much becoming the worst version of myself.

I'm only writing this because I know I'm not the only one who has been here. And I think it's important for people to realize it is natural and it happens to the best of us. But the best part about coming to terms with that?
You can better yourself.

The last couple of months have been the absolute best I could imagine in 2016. I got my second job promotion, one of which I'm extremely grateful for, I started dating the absolute best guy I've ever met, and I moved out of my mom's house. Leading up to those things I encountered my fair share of difficulties, but great things take time. Nothing worth having comes easy. They are all wonderful milestones for someone to take on in such a short amount of time, but I never fully let myself process all of my emotions. I kept pushing the pressure, the fear, the nerves, all of it aside. I took on an important roll in my company, I opened my heart to someone, and I moved into a place all by myself (and my cat of course). I'm sure some of those feelings were written in bold, black letters across my forehead, but I kept myself busy and pretended I was fearless. All these changes took a leap of faith for me and I can't tell you how much I pushed myself. It was all rewarding, of course, but sleep is not my friend as of late.

That being said, I won't diminish the happiness I've felt in the last few months. You get to a place in your life you thought would never come and it's the best feeling in the world. Walking into work feeling like people see your potential, waking up next to someone you truly care about. Those feelings I'll never let go of.. but sitting in here on my own couch, in my own place, typing this, I know there are parts of myself I have to work on. I have to remember to take the good with the bad,  to stay positive, and to just take a step back and take a deep breath.

I know you can't change yourself overnight, but there's something magical about a few days to yourself and endless cups of tea.

p.s. apartment photos soon to follow :)

written with love for the people who have seen me at my worst, and have never let me go.

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